just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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