john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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