So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
