best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
