Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
