You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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