I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
