I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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