if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's get the cat blown out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
