DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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