Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
