Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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