i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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