i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
