Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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