I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
