I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
