why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
