I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
try to milk me bitch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
