idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
