Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
