hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
