I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
