I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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