so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
