so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
