drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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