In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish you could order shots online.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
