Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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