i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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