I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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