we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
