you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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