if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
