so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
