Porn is love you can see.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
