im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
