Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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