i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
