Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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