The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
