Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
