I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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