6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
