I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
