Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
