I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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