he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
