Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
