Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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