capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
