i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
